


Hannibal and the Adventures of Marinade Ass

by Leximander



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: And marinade, Crack, GOSH, Hannibal likes to stick things in his butt, Hannibal misses Will, Like severed arms, M/M, Marinade is not lube Hannibal, total crack, will is a tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 20:06:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leximander/pseuds/Leximander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He leaned against the table and tried to look unconcerned as Will walked into the room.</p><p>The first thing Will said was "Damnit Hannibal, I actually liked that mail man-" he stopped and stared at the arm hanging out of Hannibal's ass.</p><p>"It just slipped in I swear," Hannibal said avoiding looking at Wills face. "But uhm, now it's stuck..." Hannibal mumbled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hannibal and the Adventures of Marinade Ass

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HapticLacuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HapticLacuna/gifts).



> So this is unedited crack. Enjoy at your leisure. It's completely random and inspired by a fic where someone gets a salami stuck in their butt. Anyways enjoy! C:

Hannibal brought the butchers knife down with a hard thwack. He cut up the body with precision but his mind was on Will. Those eyes. That smile. His adorable puppy face. Hannibal grinned, he almost wanted to eat him up. Sadly Will was away for some reason. Hannibal didn't remember because he had been watching Wills luscious mouth move instead of actually listening to what he was saying.

Hannibal sighed. He missed Will, but missing him wasn't going to make him come home sooner so he had tried to distract himself by asking the mail man to dinner. If cooked right and with the right seasoning he would be delicious.

Hannibal brought the knife back down and cleaved the mail man's head from his body. Oh how he missed Will and his touch. Will knew just how to touch him. His hands skimming over Hannibal's body, his teeth pressed dangerously into his throat. But oh god, Wills hands were sinfully good.

Hannibal shuddered at the thought, his cock perking up in interest. He eyed the mail man's severed arm as an idea came to mind. Surely Will wouldn't mind? It wouldn't be cheating if he's already dead, would it?

Hannibal absentmindedly traced patterns along the severed arm as he pondered this. Will would understand. The mail man had amazing hands. They were artfully shaped. A pianists hands. Mmmm how he'd like to get those fingers inside him.

Now that sounded like a good idea. Hannibal quickly shed his clothing and grabbed the bottle of marinade he had intended to use on the body and bent over the table. Well he was still going to use it on the body but first, himself. 

Hannibal unscrewed the lid and globbed a large amount of marinade on his fingers. He slowly dragged them down the length of his body pausing to lightly skim and flick his nipples making him gasp. He continued on his path avoiding his erect cock and sliding softly over his balls to his quivering hole.

The anticipation was starting to kill him so he quickly added more marinade to his fingers and pushed two inside. He was still loose from earlier, but this time was going to be better. He roughly shoved another finger in himself trying not to enjoy it too much. He wasn't at the main event yet. 

Hannibal crooked his fingers trying to find his prostate but the angle was all wrong. He glanced at the butchered body on the table. He could probably fit beside it. He clambered on to the table careful to avoid pushing the pieces onto the floor. You don't eat food that's been on the floor. Hannibal didn't believe in the 5 second rule.

He laid on his back and added more marinade to his fingers. You can never have too much lube. Hannibal continued to roughly work himself open now able to graze his prostate. Oh god did it feel good. Hannibal started moaning in earnest moving his fingers faster and stretching them wider until he was able to fit his own fist inside himself. The angle was wrong though and that's where the arm came in.

Hannibal grabbed the arm and poured the rest of the marinade on it. He could always go get another bottle from the kitchen. He shivered in anticipation and his cocked throbbed against his stomach. He closed the hand into a fist and slowly pushed it inside himself letting out a low whine at the feeling. 

Hannibal shifted a little and gasped as it pushed right against his prostate. He finally brought Will to mind and moaned loudly. Thinking of Will always brought him closer much faster. He imagined the arm was Wills, using one hand to pinch and tease his nipples and the other to roughly shove the arm in and out of himself. 

Imaginary Will whispered sweet nothings into his ear and Hannibal grasped his own cock jerking it in time with his thrusts. He was so so close. He imagined Will nothing wetly at his clavicle sucking and biting hard enough to draw blood. 

Hannibal's movements became uncoordinated and he jerked his dick harder and faster. His orgasm washed over him making him clamp down on the arm and sending a shudder through his whole body as he moaned Wills name. 

Hannibal slowly came back to himself and let out a sigh. This was nice but he still missed Will. He reached to pull out the arm and hissed in pain. It was stuck. The arm was stuck in his ass.

Hannibal was trying to stay calm and carefully remove the arm from his ass when he heard the front door open. He hopped off the table and winced as the arm pressed uncomfortably inside him. He had less than a minute to somehow hide the arm in his ass. He leaned against the table and tried to look unconcerned as Will walked into the room.

The first thing Will said was "Damnit Hannibal, I actually liked that mail man-" he stopped and stared at the arm hanging out of Hannibal's ass.

"It just slipped in I swear," Hannibal said avoiding looking at Wills face. "But uhm, now it's stuck..." Hannibal mumbled.

Will stared at him in abject horror and said "I don't know whether to laugh at you or not and is that marinade??" Will eyed the empty bottle of marinade. 

"As a matter of fact it is marinade" Hannibal said with his chin held high. He knew what was coming.

"Hannibal, for the last time. Marinade is not lube... No matter how tasty it is" Will said rubbing a hand across his face. 

Will heaved another sigh and said "let's see about getting that thing out of you. Go lie down and I'll see if I can get it out."

Hannibal climbed back onto the table and couldn't help but close his eyes and moan as the arm rubbed his prostate. He opened his eyes to Will looking at him incredulously.

"Really?" Will asked.

Hannibal shrugged. "It feels good, its just stuck."

Will rolled his eyes at that and motioned for Hannibal to lie back as he spread his knees. "You do know that this is kinda disgusting right?" Will asked conversationally while gently poking and pulling on the arm. "I don't know why you thought it was a good idea to stick a severed arm in your ass."

Hannibal might of answered except he was too busy enjoying the sensations Will was causing. He whined in distress when Will suddenly stopped.

"Uhg we need actual lube rather than just marinade. We have perfectly good lube upstairs and here I find you again with the marinade. I'm not going to eat you Hannibal no matter how big of a kink it is for you." Will muttered and left to get the lube from upstairs in the kitchen. 

Hannibal only had a moment to be lonely. Will came striding back into the room with a literal tub of lube.

Hannibal raised an eyebrow at him eyeing the tub. 

"Don't go getting any ideas. I'm getting that thing out of your ass and then you're gonna make me dinner for my troubles." 

Hannibal felt a small smirk start to stretch his mouth and Will glared at him assuming he was thinking dirty thoughts and he was. Just not quite what Will was thinking. 

Will heaved a sigh and got to work spreading the lube over the part of the arm closest to Hannibal's hole. He then moved further so he was actually rubbing Hannibal's rim, trying to loosen the tight muscle.

Hannibal thought Will was clueless as to how much he was turning him on and he clenched his eyes shut against the pleasure. Will might not have been the sharpest crayon in the box, but he most definitely wasn't the dullest. He continued to tease Hannibal alternating how much pressure he was putting and where, lightly tugging on the arm and pushing it back in. Then he 'accidentally' pushed the space right behind Hannibal's balls causing him to moan. 

Will tried to keep a straight face as he said "My God Hannibal. You have an arm stuck in your ass and you're getting off on it. Shame on you." 

Will twisted the arm a little while pulling on it and just as quickly shoved it back in. Hannibal's cock was painfully hard and leaking against his stomach. Hannibal moaned and started thrusting back on the arm and he felt himself start to tense in the wake of his impending orgasm when suddenly Wills hand squeezed the base of his dick and tugged the arm out of Hannibal's ass, leaving him dazed and confused.

"Wha-?" Hannibal mumbled intelligently. 

Will gave him a dazzling smile, patted his exposed butt and said "There now, all better. Get yourself cleaned up and let's make dinner." With that he flounced out the door without so much as a look at poor Hannibal.

It took Hannibal a second to realise what had happened and then a predatory grin spread across his face. Oh yes. Severed arm was on the menu tonight and so was Will. What did Will think the marinade was for?

**Author's Note:**

> So I just realised that most of the paragraphs start with Hannibal's name.... Whoops. If you liked it leave a comment. Encourage me to sin some more. I've got 2 other crack works for Hannibal if you want to check them out... It's literally the only thing I've written. I can't be serious to save me life apparently.


End file.
